12 months ago I went into labor, that day feels like so long ago. But as I think about it and stare at my sofa where I laid going through my painful contractions, it feels like yesterday. The rain also brings me back to the memories of that day; 15 hours of breathing, sighing, jokes and pushing, came my darling little bundle of joy! We starred at each other for a few minutes before he began suckling on my breast trying to find some nourishment. I looked down in awe, really thinking, "how did this come out of my body." The miracle of life is just that, a miracle.
Then I think about the next few months that followed. The long nights, tiring days of it never feeling like it will be back to normal. But once that passed and we were on a "schedule", life was better. Sleep was part of the entire household's routine, it was sweet. Then we entered another phase almost as challenging as the first and then another and by then we stopped comparing or counting. Each stage seemed like such a long and torturous battle; him versus us but no one ever seemed to win. Once we became mobile, life changed again, our home is a shuffled mess. Not once again will I (or anyone else) find my kitchen clean and pristine or my dinning room table cleared of clutter. Our living room looks like we're ready to move, half of our precious belongings have made their way into storage, a safe haven for them and from baby. Once Christmas arrived the toys piled high (how can you tell the grandparents and aunties- no gifts please...yea right!) so instead of swimming through them, we try to alternate every week or when we remember and behind our sofa has now become the home of the inventory. When I'm in the thick of it all it's hard to stop and remember that moment of our first embrace, when he lied helpless in my arms, calm and sweet.
See, although I am one of those lucky ones, who conceived on the first try, didn't have crazy mood swings, cravings, nor did I gain lots of weight, I did manage to hatch one of the most vocal, independent, mischievous, curious...and this list goes on...children in the world. This kid is such a handful that going out to eat for lunch has turned into a stressful chore, so we go early, like 11am early any later we order in or forage the cabinets for food. My boy's like a small puppy who thinks he can take on the big dog at the park. He wants what we have and is not shy about telling us. I sometimes wonder if he's part Pterodactyl. The shrieks out of this kid will deafen me and when we are out, reduces me to feel like he's about to eat me alive.
All this said, I am a big-picture gal and know this too is a phase. I understand that who he is will only blossom into a explorer. Maybe a creator of something great, someone who will challenge life and take it on full force. I imagine him to be marvelous. Because when I see the world through his eyes, I see a vast vortex of space that craves to be filled. When he points to this and makes me repeat it a zillion times I know he just wants to blurt it out..."light". I dig deep for patience, try to get a lot of rest and I remind myself how tough it must be in his shoes. He wants so desperately to talk, he fights with himself and with me to often. We've tried signing but his frustration won't let him excel. I continue to encourage him and try to help him as best as I know. He's like a handful of bubbles that is easy to catch but hard to hold. Of course we will make it through and this too will seem like a faint memory but the pressure of ensuring I have taken all the right paths is painstaking. As I won't really know until I try then reflect. Trial and error, is the game and we are in the middle of it. We joking laugh and refer to it as troubleshooting, as if it were as easy as solving a computer problem, ha.
In years past, 12 months seems to go by so fast you wonder where the time went but when measuring a year based on a child's life there is so much growth, change and development, it's astonishing. Yes the time has gone quickly but looking at the pictures from birth to 12 months, it blows me away. From helpless newborn to exploring toddler, when in our lives will we experience such growth?
When we celebrate his birthday with balloons, cake and presents it'll be hard for me to hold back the tears when we blow out the candle together and wish to be in that moment forever.
How did you feel when celebrating your baby's first birthday? If you haven't, have you thought about how you'll feel?
Love Lots,
Mommy SF
Then I think about the next few months that followed. The long nights, tiring days of it never feeling like it will be back to normal. But once that passed and we were on a "schedule", life was better. Sleep was part of the entire household's routine, it was sweet. Then we entered another phase almost as challenging as the first and then another and by then we stopped comparing or counting. Each stage seemed like such a long and torturous battle; him versus us but no one ever seemed to win. Once we became mobile, life changed again, our home is a shuffled mess. Not once again will I (or anyone else) find my kitchen clean and pristine or my dinning room table cleared of clutter. Our living room looks like we're ready to move, half of our precious belongings have made their way into storage, a safe haven for them and from baby. Once Christmas arrived the toys piled high (how can you tell the grandparents and aunties- no gifts please...yea right!) so instead of swimming through them, we try to alternate every week or when we remember and behind our sofa has now become the home of the inventory. When I'm in the thick of it all it's hard to stop and remember that moment of our first embrace, when he lied helpless in my arms, calm and sweet.
See, although I am one of those lucky ones, who conceived on the first try, didn't have crazy mood swings, cravings, nor did I gain lots of weight, I did manage to hatch one of the most vocal, independent, mischievous, curious...and this list goes on...children in the world. This kid is such a handful that going out to eat for lunch has turned into a stressful chore, so we go early, like 11am early any later we order in or forage the cabinets for food. My boy's like a small puppy who thinks he can take on the big dog at the park. He wants what we have and is not shy about telling us. I sometimes wonder if he's part Pterodactyl. The shrieks out of this kid will deafen me and when we are out, reduces me to feel like he's about to eat me alive.
All this said, I am a big-picture gal and know this too is a phase. I understand that who he is will only blossom into a explorer. Maybe a creator of something great, someone who will challenge life and take it on full force. I imagine him to be marvelous. Because when I see the world through his eyes, I see a vast vortex of space that craves to be filled. When he points to this and makes me repeat it a zillion times I know he just wants to blurt it out..."light". I dig deep for patience, try to get a lot of rest and I remind myself how tough it must be in his shoes. He wants so desperately to talk, he fights with himself and with me to often. We've tried signing but his frustration won't let him excel. I continue to encourage him and try to help him as best as I know. He's like a handful of bubbles that is easy to catch but hard to hold. Of course we will make it through and this too will seem like a faint memory but the pressure of ensuring I have taken all the right paths is painstaking. As I won't really know until I try then reflect. Trial and error, is the game and we are in the middle of it. We joking laugh and refer to it as troubleshooting, as if it were as easy as solving a computer problem, ha.
In years past, 12 months seems to go by so fast you wonder where the time went but when measuring a year based on a child's life there is so much growth, change and development, it's astonishing. Yes the time has gone quickly but looking at the pictures from birth to 12 months, it blows me away. From helpless newborn to exploring toddler, when in our lives will we experience such growth?
When we celebrate his birthday with balloons, cake and presents it'll be hard for me to hold back the tears when we blow out the candle together and wish to be in that moment forever.
How did you feel when celebrating your baby's first birthday? If you haven't, have you thought about how you'll feel?
Love Lots,
Mommy SF
Parenthood is amazing, being a mother is amazing, and babies are...you are right...a miracle. What a wonderful post!
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