Where Did She Go?

Once a week for the last month, I've sat in front of my computer to blog and all I can do is stare at the blank white space. I've lost my groove, my mojo. There used to be many nights when I would be falling asleep and the ideas would come, not one or two but plenty.  Sure I didn't act on them, even though I have paper and pen sitting in the drawer of my night stand. But usually when I woke up the next day I would remember at least one idea and would either blog about it or be inspired by it for a fun activity with Edward.  So maybe this lull is my fault? When the ideas came knocking and I didn't answer, they decided to go away. Or could it be my hormones keeping me awake at all hours of the night, which then don't allow me fully get to sleep or for that matter allow me the clarity I once had when I would place my head on my pillow.

So instead of worrying about being out of touch with my blog, I decided to come here in the hopes that typing out my frustration will reconnect the old and present day me. That I will once again find my way back to the slew of ideas I once became so accustomed to. I don't want to overanalyze, but I wonder if as baby #2 slow makes its way into our world, that I'm on a path of slowly disconnecting from the old me who found so much love, inspiration and admiration in writing and reading and will be a mom that like so many (including my own) will dedicate all of my being to our growing family.

Will I be the woman who wakes up one day many years into the future to find my chicks have flown the coup and be starring through a mirror wondering, "Who is this lady" or will I maintain my individuality and be proud to have given my all to my family but yet saved a few hours of the day for me? It's so cliche' but only time will tell. And that time will be at least 17 years from today.  It will be interesting to come back and find this entry and reflect on what path I chose and how proud I will be of the choice I made.

Don't get me wrong, I love my 1.5 kids and will always be mommy first, it will always be my priority. But it frightens me to see so many mothers my mom's age who are so lonely after their children have grown and left the house to begin their journeys in life. Mothers who "sit" by the phone to await a phone call or continue their rolls of cooking and cleaning for their brute but to only realize it's only mom and dad now. Realistically, being mom to a child from birth until death could be over four decades, likely the longest job any one person can keep. But is it fair that when these small helpless beings enter the world they encompass so much of your life you have no choice but to give them your all? All so that when the time comes for them to move away, they can easily pack up and leave? Taking everything you as mom have ever been accustomed to over the last twenty years of their life with them? It's such a strange place to find oneself. Especially for me since my role as daughter has always been very independent, strong-willed and determined to do things on my own. I never really understood my mom's feelings until now. However, as a mom I try to use my experiences to embrace my son's very similar personality. I also hope unlike my mom I will maintain a balance in my life that will keep me fulfilled as a individual, wife and mother.

I think our society does such a beautiful job in helping parents-to-be in preparing for the arrival of their bundle of joy, but what if anything are we doing to help parents prepare for empty nest? I believe this is a conversation that should be started in the parenting classes and be continued throughout life.

Love Lots,
Mommy SF

Sock It to Me

We invested in a High Efficency(HE) washer and dryer a few months ago that we share with our dear neighbors, who have a 3 month old. A few weeks ago our washer wouldn't finish washing a load.  I thought it was a fluke and reset the load.  That wash ended successfully but the next proceeded to have another message "sud". I ignored this message and reset the wash for another complete load. There were no leaks and the clothes were clean so i didnt think much of it.  

The laundry room is a shared commune area which happens to also be my husband's office when he works from home.  One afternoon while he was working from home, I threw in a load and while he never really notices much when it comes to laundry, he did notice the "sud" message. Leave it to a guy to get to the bottom of a problem. And after some online search results came up with "don't overload the wash", Paul knew there was something more. So there he was laid out on the floor checking and searching for the resolution. He finally decided to open the water hose and after an eruption of water flowed all over the floor (which he used our white expensive towels to clean up) also came several mismatched socks; mostly little ones but a few large ones too. Apparently, when the wash is set to high spin, the suction of the water draining is so strong that these little guys go too. Then yesterday while transferring the washed clothes into the dryer, his curious mind decides to lift back an elastic panel, which revealed even more socks.

As you can imagine after losing so many socks, my practice has been to fold together the dirty ones and put them in the hamper. It made life more sane until I was still missing socks. Never did I think my washer really ate our socks. But now that we know it does, what's the solution?Well Paul says put the dirty socks in a pillowcase or a lingerie bag and spin cycle on medium.

I've since done several loads of wash using the "sock bag" and have had great success on the return of socks as well as use of the medium cycle. Th clothes are damp and I haven't had to increase the dryer time.

Are you missing socks? Or have you figured out how your wash is eating up yours?

Love Lots,

Mommy SF

Family Vacations

As a new family of three the idea of traveling with our baby seemed foreign. After all, who wants to be the parent of that annoying and loud cry baby! So for the longest time we avoided flying especially because our child fit the mold of that travelling nightmare.  That is until our dear friends brought up the idea of a trip together to Maui. My husband and I lit up at the idea. Just two years before we vacationed there and it was paradise. We loved seeing so many single couples but noticed many multi-generational family members enjoying the pools, the ocean and all the fun Maui has to offer together. So we agreed this would be a fun family destination. We were booked and excited until our nerves reminded us who we would be travelling with. Yikes! So we researched online how to travel with kids, what to pack and what backup measures we would need to take if he got out of hand. I've got to send lots of kudos to Momaboard the site is filled with some wonderful travelling pointers from a high-flying mom. Also a shout-out to my very dear friend Lana (who we travelled with and whose daughter, two months younger than Edward, probably has enough air miles for a future flight), whom patiently responded to my delusional texts and calls.

The fact we booked our flight early in the am, before nap was so ideal. When we got to the chaotic airport, Edward was amused with the people, the planes and most of all the "truks". He got a lot of energy out by running through the terminal by the time we were boarding he looked ready to knock-out, we were so pleased. We scored big when we had an extra seat in between us for him. He fell asleep in his carrier once we were in flight. When he woke he was comfortable seating like a big boy, watching videos and munching on walnuts (it was all he wanted to eat, go figure). No crying at all.

Once we arrived in Maui, we gathered our things and waited for our friends to arrive from their destination, they got in about 30 minutes after us. Once we said our hellos and picked up the rental, we made a long pit stop at Costco before heading to our paradise destination.  We all were so excited to be together, the kids took time to warm up to each other but it wasn't long before they were drinking from each other's sippy cups and sharing meals from their bowls. It was adorable to watch them interact all day long and on a daily basis for 7 days.

Our awesome 2 bedroom condo with a wrap around lanai was amazing. We had pool and ocean views, which were thoroughly enjoyed while our babes napped. We were also right above the Coi pond, which the kids absolutely loved! They ran out there every morning and would hilarious fishy faces. Cooking was easy as the dads really took it upon themselves to get in lots of BBQ-ing practice. Practice makes perfect, as we enjoyed some amazing meals.  Yay for dads!

The days were long as the kiddos never adjusted to Maui time and were putzing around asking for food around 5:00am. But they made up for it by taking long naps and getting to bed by 7:30pm.

About halfway through our trip, Lana and I started talking about how wonderful it's been and how we both wished we could stay longer; at that moment we both realized how lucky we are to be on vacation together with kids and hubby's that get along. It was such a treat and something we will absolutely do again.

When it was time to head home we were all very somber. We packed our things and checked-in to our  flights. When we all arrived at the airport we had a lot of time for running around, but I think Edward was just to wound up. Poor thing could not get comfortable nor could he relax on the flight.  He was so exhausted and we were so frustrated that we finally began walking him up/down the aisles in the carrier. It worked as he finally fell asleep.

Once we landed and got home, we quickly unpacked and got settled. The next morning when Edward woke up he looked sad, could he be missing his new friend? With his blanket in hand, he walked over to the window to only find the concrete pavement and parked cars.  I asked him what he was looking for and he looked at me and made the fish face! He broke my heart...he missed Maui too. But as in life nothing lasts forever and it's the experience that makes us who we are.  As an 18 month old, Edward is very lucky to have experienced such a lavish trip. I know trips like that for hubby and I weren't apart of our memory until we were many years older.  Nonetheless, we equally enjoyed it and would go back if we could.

Thank you for the memories!!!

Have you ever travelled with friends? Would you recommend it?

Love Lots,
Mommy SF

We're Expecting!

My last post was 3 months to the day. Amazing how time flies. Two weeks later we found we were expecting our second child. With great excitement and anticipation also came a very sick mama. The weeks following were very difficult and trying. After realizing caring for myself and my very active son was impossible, we packed up and went to stay with my parents- a great benefit since they live in the same state. Hubby had to stay back for work and being away from him was hard for us all. But thankfully for Skype and text messaging we felt like we were all together.

There was so much emotion that went on during those weeks away. While I did my best to care for myself, knowing my son was given the attention and love he needed was a relief. However as a mom, your sense of having to be in-charge and responsible lingers no matter how sick you are. It was also difficult to fight feeling guilty that I couldn't care for my son. I also felt lacking as a wife. There I lied watching tv, covered with blankets and pillows, falling in and out of sleep and my poor husband came home to an empty nest. It was clearly a disruptive time, but we all agree very necessary.

But now almost 6 weeks later it's all a fading memory. As I've recollected my first pregnancy in past posts I mention how quickly I forgot the rough patches of the first trimester, and here I am again, telling you just the same, even though this time around it was so much harder.

At my last appointment my Nurse Practitioner asked how things were going and I remember cocking my head and telling her that "I'm so busy with my first I don't have time to focus on this baby." she laughed and said she "hears that all the time." Which might be why so many people say the second is "so much easier". I don't know how easy it is ( actually it's been very hard). I'm finding I have little time to eat, keep hydrated or sleep; the complete opposite of the first pregnancy, when I monitored everything I ate, slept as often as I wanted and practiced yoga once a day.

However exhausting, at the end of the day we feel very blessed to have another special miracle become part of our lives. I can't imagine it getting any crazier than it all ready is! Let the fun begin...

Love Lots,
Mommy SF

ps I'm very happy to slowly reenter the blogging world.

Happy Mother's Day

Gosh it's already been a year since I celebrated my first Mother's Day, so much has changed but two things have remained the same; 1. I still love being a mom 2. I have the best family and friends in the world.

I know many of my blogs are filled with complaints, many of them dealing with the trauma and trials our son puts us through, but honestly at the end of the day, having him in our life brings us such joy! He's filled with joie de vivre and everyday teaches me how to live life. Chores, shopping, email or twitter shouldn't compete with our time together. He teaches me that the small things he can do mean so much. Just today, he saw a horse fly on the window screen, looked at it and said "bzzz"! I almost cried, he so darn smart. But in that moment, I realized my complaining is pointless and it comes from making other "things" more of a priority. It doesn't make me happier. It just drains me. So I pledge that I will reduce my complaining and spend more time experiencing life together with my guys. Laughing, smiling and being light hearted- those are my goals.

Secondly, since the birth of our bouncing boy, our family and friends have been a real treasure. It's amazing how much love surrounds us. He is so deeply loved my his nanas, babas, aunties, all 30 of them and uncles! Thank you to everyone who is making this Mother's Day (and really everyday) feel so special. I love you all and hope that I can equally give back the happiness and love you share with us.

Love Lots,
Mommy SF

It's Back...

It's laughable how the second time in Edward's 14 months of life he begins to sleep through the night to only be rudely awakened by his teething, causing mad late night havoc for us all. The restless nights and sometimes even hourly wakings are so hard to deal with. To add insult to injury, he's still up at 6:30 am without fail. As exhausted as I am it is my responsibility to be up with him and fulfill my duties to my young man. Although I don't always do it with a smile I am happy to oblige. He's now on the "I want the pacifier all day" kick, and cries until he gets it (he used to only use it during nap and bedtimes). We try to side track him with toys or books, but if he cries hard enough we give in.  We wonder how much of that is because of teething and how much of it is a power struggle.  So we stress over the dumb pacifier fight. He's also been a healthy eater but now seemingly picky, forgoing food he once loved for ice cubes and peanut butter and crackers. I've been told that teething takes about 2 years, so we have 9 more months.

I'm also going through a phase of my own. Maybe it's lack of sleep or a case of the baby blues, but where did my baby go? There are times when my independent toddler wants to be a big boy and then he "reverts" to being a baby. How do I balance this? How much do I give in to the baby's needs? Am I "spoiling" him by giving in? I know each child is different as is each scenario but what about consistency? I don't want to look back and wish I did it differently, after all I'm doing everything my parents didn't, right? Being in this for over a year, I thought I got this parenthood stuff down, but each phase throws me another curve ball and has me questioning everything I do all the time. It's so unrelenting and stressful. As I'm typing I'm thinking to myself, "am I taking parenting to seriously" could I really be over thinking it all? I bet I'll come back here a few years from now with an answer. Until then I'll ponder...

I really thought it would get easier as he got older and it isn't. So I find myself out of the house more often and earlier. We are always at the playground and used to get there after lunch but one early morning, when neither of us could take each other anymore, the playground was our mutually agreed upon choice for our peace treaty.  Although it was 8:30am and we were the first to arrive, it wasn't long before it was filled with other boys his age. I couldn't believe it, I'd never seen so many boys at the playground before. I asked the caretakers and mothers if this was common and they all agreed. So now we join the other boys bright and early on the playground for his morning exercise and where I finish my tea.

Maybe I should take
the advice of my mug

So readers, send me some good vibes to help us through this crazy stage and share your helpful tips of how to successfully plough through.

Love Lots,
Mommy SF

We took the crib down on Monday, which was bittersweet; bitter because we spent a lot for the crib and sweet that my baby is growing leaps and bounds. Honestly, this was a reality coming at us full steam over 3 months ago, we just tried avoiding it. Up until then our son loved the crib but once we began struggling to get him in it and fighting with him to stay, we knew the day had come and he was ready to transition out. But the advice from other moms was to keep him in the crib until he could climb out. The horror stories about their babes getting out of bed in the middle of the night to crawl into bed with them freaked me out enough to put up with the fight. But the joke was on me because when he would wake at nights screaming and not willing to go back down, for my own sanity, I caved in and got him back to sleep by snuggling in bed with him. Then the epiphany happened; what's good for one family isn't good for all.  So we packed up the crib and discovered more play space and now almost a week into it are sleeping through the night, that is until last night when he started teething again, humph...

Since we live in a 2 bedroom and have my parents stay with us often, an extra bed was needed, so we went on the search of something functional but yet compact. Eureka, we found the Ikea Hemnes daybed (trundle) that has an awesome amount of storage and meets our sleeping needs to a "t". It's an affordable investment and equally a beautiful piece. We even bought two Ikea foam mattresses that stack and are light weight. Now that he's sleeping in the twin, we bring the second mattress on the ground in case he rolls out. I know you're thinking that's what bed rails are for, but I just couldn't bring myself to pay for what pillows, blankets and the spare mattress can do.

Now about the bitter part, we made the investment in this amazing Stokke Sleepi Crib system. It's a crib, toddler bed, junior bed and even can be broken down into two chairs. But what we couldn't imagine was that our little guy would want to be out of his jail cell so soon. We even tried to coerce him in just playing in the junior bed, yeah right! My kid is smarter than me. So now that our baby is sleeping in a big boy bed that isn't the "convertible" crib I feel "had". Maybe the excitement of having a luxury all-in-one was to good to be true after all. But the truth is, this bed was really a great buy, its function and design as a crib really achieved so much of what we needed in our small space. (Here's me blogging about it).  I'm just sad to not see it morph into its other stages.

Tell me about your transitioning stories. Are you ready to move your babe into the big bed or are you holding out? Have some funny stories to share? Would love to hear about them.

Love Lots,
Mommy SF

A Vacation for Us from Us

When my husband told me his work was sending him to Miami for an awards ceremony, I called my mom not only to share the exciting news but to ask if she would watch Edward. Of course she gleefully obliged and I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the day. To be able to getaway from our one year old for some rnr together was awesome and knowing he would be safe was reassuring.

We extended our trip to round out a week in Miami and it was a great decision, koudos to hubby for winning the trip and recommending the extension. While away we woke at our leisure, ate when we were ready, listened to some great music, did lots of yoga, rode bikes around South Beach and read a lot on the beach. I even bought myself a Kindle (I'm hoping it was a good purchase and not just a very expensive book).

All this time to myself reminded me of the days of old' when I relished in "me" time. I made a promise that when I returned home I would consciously schedule some time alone with me. So far we've been back 2 weeks and I've lived up to my end of the bargain. I feel refreshed and balanced, allowing me to give more to my family.

While I was pregnant moms would always share "sleep as much as you can", "go on as many dates" and the infamous "enjoy this time while you can".  Looking back they were all right, but when you don't have a child you don't really understand how precious that time is.  Now when it's my turn to give moms-to-be advice, I always tell them that they'll need to find time for themselves. After all the hard work of raising a child, mom needs more than a break every now and then!

Do you feel like you get enough "me" time? If so, how do you spend that time?

Love lots,
Mommy SF

Give Me the Sun

It's been such a mild winter here in SF. I'm waiting for the cold but in the meantime we've been out discovering cool and fun parks. Although we haven't ventured to far from home we've found our gem, Alta Plaza.

The 365 view there is outstanding. I love looking across to the golden gate bridge then over to downtown and into the Sunset. The park itself offers so much. But we go for the playground.

It's fenced in which is a plus, has new equipment, and such an array of fun Jungle gyms for all ages. And most importantly wears Edward out! Parking is easy but the bus lines are limited. A close walk over to Fillmore for mom while babes nap is a rewarding bonus.

Our second favorite park is the Koret Children's playground in Golden Gate park. I call it the mansion of the playgrounds. Can it get any better than being in the middle of an awesome park, with a carousel (1 of 2 in the City) and a food stand or WholeFoods a hip hop jump away? Well here's the thing, it's not fenced in, the carousel isn't always open and neither is the food stand. So you wander over to Whole Foods but have to cross several large and loud groups of squatters who have their non-neutered dogs off leash and are intimidating. Although they seem to ignore us, them being there is enough to keep me away at least while by myself. They wouldn't have kept me away pre-baby but now I need to fend for 2 so it's different.

But most often you'll find us at Moscone, our neighborhood park. We love it very much and it offers a safe place for baby, which ideally is all we need.

I would love to hear about your favorite playground or fun place.

Love Lots,
Mommy SF


















,

Happy 1st Birthday Edward!

12 months ago I went into labor, that day feels like so long ago. But as I think about it and stare at my sofa where I laid going through my painful contractions, it feels like yesterday. The rain also brings me back to the memories of that day; 15 hours of breathing, sighing, jokes and pushing, came my darling little bundle of joy! We starred at each other for a few minutes before he began suckling on my breast trying to find some nourishment. I looked down in awe, really thinking, "how did this come out of my body." The miracle of life is just that, a miracle.

Then I think about the next few months that followed. The long nights, tiring days of it never feeling like it will be back to normal. But once that passed and we were on a "schedule", life was better. Sleep was part of  the entire household's routine, it was sweet. Then we entered another phase almost as challenging as the first and then another and by then we stopped comparing or counting. Each stage seemed like such a long and torturous battle; him versus us but no one ever seemed to win. Once we became mobile, life changed again, our home is a shuffled mess. Not once again will I (or anyone else) find my kitchen clean and pristine or my dinning room table cleared of clutter. Our living room looks like we're ready to move, half of our precious belongings have made their way into storage, a safe haven for them and from baby. Once Christmas arrived the toys piled high (how can you tell the grandparents and aunties- no gifts please...yea right!) so instead of swimming through them, we try to alternate every week or when we remember and behind our sofa has now become the home of the inventory. When I'm in the thick of it all it's hard to stop and remember that moment of our first embrace, when he lied helpless in my arms, calm and sweet.

See, although I am one of those lucky ones, who conceived on the first try, didn't have crazy mood swings, cravings, nor did I gain lots of weight, I did manage to hatch one of the most vocal, independent, mischievous, curious...and this list goes on...children in the world.  This kid is such a handful that going out to eat for lunch has turned into a stressful chore, so we go early, like 11am early any later we order in or forage the cabinets for food. My boy's like a small puppy who thinks he can take on the big dog at the park. He wants what we have and is not shy about telling us. I sometimes wonder if he's part Pterodactyl. The shrieks out of this kid will deafen me and when we are out, reduces me to feel like he's about to eat me alive.

All this said, I am a big-picture gal and know this too is a phase. I understand that who he is will only blossom into a explorer. Maybe a creator of something great, someone who will challenge life and take it on full force. I imagine him to be marvelous. Because when I see the world through his eyes, I see a vast vortex of space that craves to be filled. When he points to this and makes me repeat it a zillion times I know he just wants to blurt it out..."light". I dig deep for patience, try to get a lot of rest and I remind myself how tough it must be in his shoes. He wants so desperately to talk, he fights with himself and with me to often. We've tried signing but his frustration won't let him excel. I continue to encourage him and try to help him as best as I know. He's like a handful of bubbles that is easy to catch but hard to hold. Of course we will make it through and this too will seem like a faint memory but the pressure of ensuring I have taken all the right  paths is painstaking. As I won't really know until I try then reflect. Trial and error, is the game and we are in the middle of it. We joking laugh and refer to it as troubleshooting, as if it were as easy as solving a computer problem, ha.

In years past, 12 months seems to go by so fast you wonder where the time went but when measuring a year based on a child's life there is so much growth, change and development, it's astonishing. Yes the time has gone quickly but looking at the pictures from birth to 12 months, it blows me away. From helpless newborn to exploring toddler, when in our lives will we experience such growth?


When we celebrate his birthday with balloons, cake and presents it'll be hard for me to hold back the tears when we blow out the candle together and wish to be in that moment forever.

How did you feel when celebrating your baby's first birthday? If you haven't, have you thought about how you'll feel?

Love Lots,
Mommy SF