Once a week for the last month, I've sat in front of my computer to blog and all I can do is stare at the blank white space. I've lost my groove, my mojo. There used to be many nights when I would be falling asleep and the ideas would come, not one or two but plenty. Sure I didn't act on them, even though I have paper and pen sitting in the drawer of my night stand. But usually when I woke up the next day I would remember at least one idea and would either blog about it or be inspired by it for a fun activity with Edward. So maybe this lull is my fault? When the ideas came knocking and I didn't answer, they decided to go away. Or could it be my hormones keeping me awake at all hours of the night, which then don't allow me fully get to sleep or for that matter allow me the clarity I once had when I would place my head on my pillow.
So instead of worrying about being out of touch with my blog, I decided to come here in the hopes that typing out my frustration will reconnect the old and present day me. That I will once again find my way back to the slew of ideas I once became so accustomed to. I don't want to overanalyze, but I wonder if as baby #2 slow makes its way into our world, that I'm on a path of slowly disconnecting from the old me who found so much love, inspiration and admiration in writing and reading and will be a mom that like so many (including my own) will dedicate all of my being to our growing family.
Will I be the woman who wakes up one day many years into the future to find my chicks have flown the coup and be starring through a mirror wondering, "Who is this lady" or will I maintain my individuality and be proud to have given my all to my family but yet saved a few hours of the day for me? It's so cliche' but only time will tell. And that time will be at least 17 years from today. It will be interesting to come back and find this entry and reflect on what path I chose and how proud I will be of the choice I made.
Don't get me wrong, I love my 1.5 kids and will always be mommy first, it will always be my priority. But it frightens me to see so many mothers my mom's age who are so lonely after their children have grown and left the house to begin their journeys in life. Mothers who "sit" by the phone to await a phone call or continue their rolls of cooking and cleaning for their brute but to only realize it's only mom and dad now. Realistically, being mom to a child from birth until death could be over four decades, likely the longest job any one person can keep. But is it fair that when these small helpless beings enter the world they encompass so much of your life you have no choice but to give them your all? All so that when the time comes for them to move away, they can easily pack up and leave? Taking everything you as mom have ever been accustomed to over the last twenty years of their life with them? It's such a strange place to find oneself. Especially for me since my role as daughter has always been very independent, strong-willed and determined to do things on my own. I never really understood my mom's feelings until now. However, as a mom I try to use my experiences to embrace my son's very similar personality. I also hope unlike my mom I will maintain a balance in my life that will keep me fulfilled as a individual, wife and mother.
I think our society does such a beautiful job in helping parents-to-be in preparing for the arrival of their bundle of joy, but what if anything are we doing to help parents prepare for empty nest? I believe this is a conversation that should be started in the parenting classes and be continued throughout life.
Love Lots,
Mommy SF
So instead of worrying about being out of touch with my blog, I decided to come here in the hopes that typing out my frustration will reconnect the old and present day me. That I will once again find my way back to the slew of ideas I once became so accustomed to. I don't want to overanalyze, but I wonder if as baby #2 slow makes its way into our world, that I'm on a path of slowly disconnecting from the old me who found so much love, inspiration and admiration in writing and reading and will be a mom that like so many (including my own) will dedicate all of my being to our growing family.
Will I be the woman who wakes up one day many years into the future to find my chicks have flown the coup and be starring through a mirror wondering, "Who is this lady" or will I maintain my individuality and be proud to have given my all to my family but yet saved a few hours of the day for me? It's so cliche' but only time will tell. And that time will be at least 17 years from today. It will be interesting to come back and find this entry and reflect on what path I chose and how proud I will be of the choice I made.
Don't get me wrong, I love my 1.5 kids and will always be mommy first, it will always be my priority. But it frightens me to see so many mothers my mom's age who are so lonely after their children have grown and left the house to begin their journeys in life. Mothers who "sit" by the phone to await a phone call or continue their rolls of cooking and cleaning for their brute but to only realize it's only mom and dad now. Realistically, being mom to a child from birth until death could be over four decades, likely the longest job any one person can keep. But is it fair that when these small helpless beings enter the world they encompass so much of your life you have no choice but to give them your all? All so that when the time comes for them to move away, they can easily pack up and leave? Taking everything you as mom have ever been accustomed to over the last twenty years of their life with them? It's such a strange place to find oneself. Especially for me since my role as daughter has always been very independent, strong-willed and determined to do things on my own. I never really understood my mom's feelings until now. However, as a mom I try to use my experiences to embrace my son's very similar personality. I also hope unlike my mom I will maintain a balance in my life that will keep me fulfilled as a individual, wife and mother.
I think our society does such a beautiful job in helping parents-to-be in preparing for the arrival of their bundle of joy, but what if anything are we doing to help parents prepare for empty nest? I believe this is a conversation that should be started in the parenting classes and be continued throughout life.
Love Lots,
Mommy SF
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